today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
