IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
