I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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