Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
