I just cut my nipple shaving
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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