So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
