We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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