she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
