I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
