If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
