Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
