WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
