Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
