I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
