If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Of course I have a pirate flag
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
