Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My dick has a subreddit
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize