theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
