i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize