Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize