like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize