Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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