I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I don't want my vagina anymore.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize