1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
