when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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