so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
