Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
