FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
