3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
