Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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