If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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