My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
