After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
