it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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