That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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