i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
there was a trapeze. enough said
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
