So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
