I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She needs sedatives and a leash
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
