Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i think im in europe. pls send help
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
