did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
