Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I think people are normalizing furries
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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