mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
it's like iHOP with fire
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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