Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
