Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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