oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Who did Billy Mays play for?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
