why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
