True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
