you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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