Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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