i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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