There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
