6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
