Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Randomize
