I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
