You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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