He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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