covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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