i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
