just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
