so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
