Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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