Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize