We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
