thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
